User Profile

Forum Activity by Donner

"Choose Your Pain"
Star Trek: Discovery

Captain Lorca is kidnapped by the Klingons because Starfleet sends high-ranking officers in a goddamn shuttle across space during wartime like big stupid idiots which necessitates Discovery to use her fidget spinner spore drive to jump into Klingon Space to save him. However, Burnham?s pet tardigrade and spore drive navigator isn?t taking to its nipple clamps very well leading Burnham on a collision course with Saru, Discovery?s new acting captain. Meanwhile, Lorca makes the acquaintance of a fellow prisoner of the Klingons, Harcourt Fenton Mudd (Harry for short).

I know I get a little pissy when it comes to Star Trek?s toxic fan base and I?ve been trying not to let my anger show toward them, but seriously? with this episode, you can kindly shut the fuck up about the show not being optimistic or celebrating the human condition. You can shut the fuck up about characterization, you can shut the fuck up about the writing, you can shut the fuck up about canon. You can roll up all of your little opinions about The Orville being better into a little ball and cram it right up your stupid bitter ass.

Star Trek: Discovery has earned its place in the Star Trek universe and, whether this is Prime Timeline, Kelvin Timeline, or some third timeline is as irrelevant as fighting the Borg. This is a quality product, it is a damn fine show, and if you are so obsessed with minutiae that you can?t enjoy this series because they?re not using cardboard sets or 3.5 inch floppies, then you need serious help or you just need to fuck off right out of the fanbase. I?m sick of you.

So, yes? this episode was goddamn spectacular. Certainly the best episode of Discovery so far and probably a contender for one of the best episodes of Star Trek as a whole.

(Oh, I can hear the toxic fan base crying out in agony and it?s like music to me).

So, what was great about it?

Harry Mudd for starters. Rather than feeling like a nostalgic bone thrown to the fans, I was rather taken in to how effortlessly Mudd fit into the story and how close he was, character-wise, to his 1966 counterpart. Rainn Wilson was great as the old con-man, building on what Roger C. Carmel did in the old series, he?s crafted a new Mudd both faithful to the classic and bubbling with new possibilities.

On Discovery, the crew is faced with an ethical quandry to which there is no right answer. Continue to use the possibly-sentient tardigrade as an unwilling navigator, thus harming or killing it, or risk the captain to come up with an alternative that might not work? There were amazing character moments from Burnham, Saru, Stamets, and Tilly (who, after reservations, I am becoming more fond of), there were harsh words, dilemmas, and the first ?fucks? ever uttered in Star Trek history which were both unexpected and hilarious. Everyone got at least one great scene, there were countless character payoffs, countless character moments, and everything in this episode just worked. I have no other way of putting it, other than it just worked.

One thing I haven?t seem mentioned anywhere else ? though, it?s only been a couple of hours and maybe I just haven?t noticed it yet ? is the fact that this also appears to be the first time that Star Trek has ever directly dealt with the topic of rape and, not only that, but the sexual assault of a man by a woman and it appears that this sexual assault has left some pretty deep scars in Tyler?s psyche. I really hope that this isn?t just dropped in later episodes.

So, yes, the action at the end was great but the subsequent decision of what to do with the Tardigrade is really what propelled this episode into classic territory. It?s that wonderful optimism and exploration of the human spirit that I like? the ability to look at a bad situation and think, how can we fix this? Not being content with letting the characters get lost in gray ambiguity, but having them take a stand and do what?s right. This may be ?grittier? and more ?realistic? Star Trek, but it is still Star Trek? it feels like Star Trek. Don?t let anyone tell you otherwise.

?Choose Your Pain? is a masterwork. The best episode of Discovery and one of the best episodes of Star Trek ever.
Oct 17, 2017 3:09 AM
Evan SolomonHere's the thing, Robin. They already have Dilithium. Where they're at right now they probably can only do warp five ( for comparison, TNG has warp 9). That base they were trying to save was responsible for 40% of the Federation's Dilithium harvest. Which begs the question, why leave such an integral part of your war effort, in the middle of a war, undefended?

Probably the same reason why the Enterprise was always the only Starship in the sector to protect Earth.
Probably the same reason why The Orville wasn't designed to detect dark matter that could easily destroy it.
Probably the same reason Babylon 5 just happened to be built in orbit of a planet with an ancient machine that could do anything they needed.
Probably the same reason why C3P0 and R2D2 just happened to run into Anakin Skywalker's kid on Tatooine.
Probably the same reason the Doctor can go anywhere in time and space, but mostly hangs around England.
Because contrivances happen and they're necessary to plots.
Oct 12, 2017 3:33 AM
[font="PT Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]"The Butcher's Knife Cares Not For The Lamb's Cry"
Star Trek: Discovery[/font]

The USS Discovery receives a distress call from a Federation mining colony under attack by the Klingons and must rush to get its super-magical spore-powered warp drive working so that they can ride to the rescue as Burnham tries to better understand the creature captured on the USS Glenn. Meanwhile, Voq, stranded in the ship cemetery for six months, has to make a salvage trip to the adrift USS Shenzou and deal with growing dissent in his warrior?s ranks.

Certainly, every strength that Star Trek: Discovery has was center stage for this episode. Everything that sets it apart and makes it unique, from the militaristic and shady performance by Jason Issacs as Captain Lorca to the distinctly humanized Klingons who are, the new look not withstanding, some of the best Klingons ever characterized whose name is not Worf. Everything happening on this show is just so goddamn interesting and suprising.

Sure, there are flaws... the death of whats-her-face from Battlestar Galactica was the result of some of the worst decision making I?ve seen since Ensign Skippy decided to join Kirk, Spock, and McCoy on a landing party to the planet of Bloodlust VII, but the ethical quandary of using a living creature as part of a propulsion system is a great one even if it's one we've seen before.

What I really enjoyed about this episode is how the seemingly unnecessarily chronicled events in the first two episodes are still casting a shadow on Burnham and the Discovery. Micheal is a woman who is haunted and, from the creepy return to the derilicted Shenzou to Captain Georgeau's last will and testament, she is a woman who cannot escape her past no matter how many spore-jumps she does.

I also enjoy how, even the Discovery herself is still revealing her secrets slowly and methodically and we finally got an answer to the question of why the ship has got those weird spokes in the saucer. Well, it was cool? It led to a cool space battle even though I think that Lorca used a bit too much bravado. I mean, he said he wanted to send the Klingons a message, but how do you send a message when you blow them all up?

Still, it was another strong episode that deepened the mystery of the Discovery, answered a few questions, and put Michael Burnham in a smaller ethical box than she was when she started. Star Trek: Discovery is shaping up to be a fine program, spinning spokes and all.

4/5 Tribbles
Oct 10, 2017 11:41 PM
"Context is for Kings"
Star Trek: Discovery


It's been six months since Michael Burnham's colossal fuckup that killed her captain and sent the Klingons and Federation into a full scale conflict. Burnham is content to just chill out in prison, but during a less-than-routine prisoner transfer, her shuttle has to be rescued by the USS Discovery and the enigmatic Captain Lorca who has plans for Burnham if she doesn't get killed on a mission to Discovery's sister ship.

While I did enjoy Discovery's premiere outings, "Context is for Kings" really feels like the show kicking it into high gear. With this episode, Discovery is showing us what it's doing, how it's doing it, and where's it's going and it's so dramatically different than any other Star Trek series has been that it is both exciting and a little scary. One thing is for certain, though: This is a series with a set destination and it is a series that plans to be methodical and mysterious getting there.

Which is great. I'm down for it.

I'm all for Star Trek throwing out the tried and true method of the Captain-centered dynamic. I'm eager to see adventures from the lower decks. I like that the characters on Discovery are damaged and less than savory. Saments is an asshole? Great! Lorca is underhanded? Perfect! Saru is psychologically scarred? Awesome. Tilly is weird... uh... okay, that didn't work out that great.

Yes, I'm afraid that all of the characters were on point with the exception of poor Cadet Tilly who came off as less of a young socially awkward go-getter and more of a sit-coms parody of a young socially awkward go-getter. It wasn't helped by the hammy performance, either. Everyone else in this show seemed to have found their inner motivation and it worked for them... Mary Wiseman took the Disney Channel approach and it didn't. Hopefully, time will save this character.

As for everything else, I am more and more impressed with this series with each new episode. Discovery has captured the feel of being on a mammoth spaceship better than some of the Star Trek movies have. Discovery feels like a community with friends and dark secrets around every corner. The special effects are great, the humor is on point... I wasn't even taken aback by the unexpected gore and surprise profanity... it fit with the episode and what it was going for.

Alice in Wonderland came up a lot in tonight's episode and, appropriately, Burnham has gone down the rabbit hole into Discovery's Wonderland. This episode could have easily been the premiere, but then again I guess what they say about past being prologue is true... the first two episodes were prologue... now the mission begins. I can't say with any certainty where it's going, but I'm anticipating a lot of fun getting there.
Oct 2, 2017 4:33 AM
I have seen The Orville. I wasn't a fan of the first episode, but I'm coming around. The last two outings have been solid science fiction with dick jokes.

I know it's niche right now for people to say that they prefer The Orville to Star Trek, but it's not a fair comparison. It would be like comparing ER and Scrubs or Hogan's Heroes with China Beach. They are two distinctly different animals and, to be honest, I'm completely over the "pick one or the other" mentality.

Besides, for a fan to sit there and say for over 30 years that they wanted something different from Star Trek and then go running back to the throwback appeal of The Orville only goes to prove how hypocritical and shitty Star Trek fans can be. They claim that Discovery doesn't know what it wants to be.
The truth is, it's the stubborn fans who don't know what they want Star Trek to be... they want it to be stagnant and never-changing, they want it to be TNG of the early 90's which is what The Orville is.

I'm not bashing The Orville, I think it's turning into a great show and the critics really need to pull the corncobs out of their ass when reviewing it, but it's a Star Trek fan film, a loving ode to the Trek that was. Discovery is not the Trek that was, it knows what it wants to be, and it has no time for dick jokes.

Okay, I know I've been away from the boards for a couple of years, but why the fuck is is dropping random goddamn questions marks into every post I make?
Sep 30, 2017 2:30 AM
Rated NCC-1701Welcome back.


I am not trapped here with you, you are trapped here with me.
Sep 25, 2017 4:38 AM
"The Vulcan Hello" & "Battle at the Binary Stars"
Star Trek: Discovery


After years of waiting and delays, Star Trek: Discovery is finally here. Is it the disaster that been rumored? Is it the next bold new chapter in Star Trek's history? Most importantly, is it worth spending $5.99 a month for?

The answer is no, yes, and it depends on how damn cheap you are. Seriously, you'll spend $8.99 on a cheeseburger meal, but not $5.99 for a month of Star Trek?

Ten years before the original series, we join Lieutenant Michael Burnham of the USS Discov... I mean the USS Shenzhou. A human raised by Vulcans who appears to finally be letting her hair down after years of that non-emotional logical bullshit, Burnham finds herself on the front lines of a brand new conflict with the Klingons when her ship stumbles upon an enemy ship waiting in a debris field. I could recap everything, but let's just say that some mistakes are made, things explode, lots of people die, and Burnham ends up all the worse by the time the inaugural episodes are over. Most Star Trek relies on hope, but it's pretty clear that this Star Trek is going to tear this poor woman down before building her back up again.

It's also unusual as the title ship of the series doesn't even make an appearance. That would be like the first episode of The Next Generation without the Enterprise or starting a Trek series with a pop song.

Okay, all kidding aside, Star Trek: Discovery is good. You can all relax. While the worth of the series isn't readily knowable as we're only two episodes in, Discovery has a lot of things working for it. For one, it is heavily serialized, allowing it to tell an overarching story without worrying about wrapping everything up with a bow at the end of an hour. ? As I said, this is all a trial by fire and, by the time episode two is over, everything is burned away and the thud of a life falling apart echoes through the end credits with all the appropriate somberness.

Discovery boasts some great characterization for a series only just starting out. While Sonequa Martin-Green is amazing as Burnham and the always lovely Michelle Yeoh was great as Captain Georgiou, I have to say that my favorite character was Doug Jone's Saru mostly because we haven't seen a character quite like him in Star Trek... cautious to the point of cowardice, sarcastic to a fault... he was a lot of fun to watch and, if I may sound weird and oddly homosexual for a moment, Doug Jone's has an incredible body... not that way, you perverts, but in the way that his entire impossibly skinny body simply looks alien.

Personally, I think he is one.

So, yes... it's good. It's well shot, well acted, and well written. The characters interacted with each other in a way that almost made me believe they'd been playing opposite each other for years.

Don't listen to the shitty Star Trek fans, Star Trek: Discovery is good. Time will tell if it becomes great, but for now it's good and, after a 16 year drought of Trek on television, I'm elated that it's back and looking better than ever.

Donner awards "The Vulcan Hello" 4 out of 5 tribbles and "The Battle at the Binary Stars" 4.5 out of 5 tribbles.
Sep 25, 2017 4:34 AM
[font=Impact]Star Trek Beyond[/font]
July 22, 2016


The Enterprise is toast, the crew is scattered, and an alien warlord wants to use a biological weapon to destroy millions of lives. What's a captain to do?

Without a doubt, Star Trek Beyond is the best of the Kelvin timeline Star Trek movies. If you've been disappointed by the first two, well, for one, you're a gigantic wet blanket because the first two were fine, but Beyond does seem to go out of its way to answer some of the critical cries and whines that have been lobbed at it by entitled shitty fans.

For one, it's a lot lighter in tone despite the fact that bad things are happening. Where, admittedly, the first two films were dark and gritty in many ways, Beyond is a joy. It's fun, it's exciting, it had several very impressive action sequences... it's just wonderful.

The characters - and I do mean all of them - are allowed to have their place in the sun making Beyond the best use of the Star Trek ensemble in a film since... ever. Really. Maybe Star Trek IV.

I'm not knocking the old movies because you know I love them as well, but in Beyond, all of the crew have things to do and none of them are relegated to background characters as we've often seen before. Remember what Uhura was up to in The Wrath of Khan?= What was Doctor Crusher up to in Insurrection?= No one is left behind in Beyond and it's just awesome.

What?'s more is that, even though I?ve loved the Kelvin timeline movies, this is the first one where I feel like I'm actually watching Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Chekov, Sulu, Scotty, and Uhura and not just people dressed up like them. With Beyond, the new set of actors have claimed the roles as their own and are owning them to their fullest potential.? Chris Pine, for example, finally brings us the devil may care contemplative and slightly more mature Kirk instead of the slightly douchy frat boy we've come to know. McCoy and Spock are finally showing that begrudging respect for each other. Uhura is getting to be something other than Spock's girlfriend. Sulu is a family man. Chekov is apparently a whore.

Not only do the characters mean more this time around, but the action means more and even the sets mean more.? My god, when the Enterprise is destroyed in this movie (not a spoiler, I know you've seen the trailers), it really means something and it fucking hurts. I'll be so bold as to say that the destruction of the Enterprise in Beyond actually has more impact than the death of the Enterprise in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock. There, Kirk was using the Enterprise as a diversion and an escape... in Beyond, Kirk and his crew are desperate to save their ship against something that it obviously cannot survive. It's a losing battle and it's absolutely heart-breaking.

Perhaps that's why I feel more connected with this movie than I have the other two. Beyond knows how to tug at your heartstrings. I actually teared up twice in this movie and both of those moments involved Leonard Nimoy's Spock. I won?t spoil it for you, but Nimoy makes two posthumous appearances in Star Trek Beyond and they are handled first perfectly and then unexpectedly and perfectly.

While the villain of the movie, Edris Elba's Kraal left a surprisingly light impact all things considered, I did enjoy the parallel drawn between him and Kirk a parallel that I am not going to get into because it?s a major spoiler. Basically, it becomes a matter of the Star Trek message of peace vs. today?s climate of hostility and xenophobia. For those of you crying about nuTrek not tackling any contemporary issues, there you go. I honestly don't understand how you can be so dull to miss it.

I've enjoyed the Kelvin Timeline Star Trek movies, but Beyond is a real return to classic form for this franchise... optimistic, character driven, and fun. proving that even after 50 years, there's still plenty of quality stories to tell and I'll be watching them until I finally croak... long before Star Trek ever will.


Donner awards Star Trek Beyond with a score of 4.5 out of 5 tribbles

Sep 24, 2017 3:34 AM
Old Thread:

Greetings, bitches, remember me?

That's right... it's me, Donner. I'm back and so is this thread.

All right, the original thread is not back because, apparently, it's unbumpable, but I'm back and so is Star Trek on television which, like a siren's song, has lured me back to Rotten Tomatoes to burden people with my opinions.

So, yes... I'm back and it's time to fully catch this review thread up before Star Trek Discovery comes along to kick us all in the dick.
Sep 24, 2017 12:35 AM
Feb 27, 2015 10:05 AM
I have no problem ignoring Alien 3 and Resurrection.  More power to him.
Feb 27, 2015 7:51 AM
Death Proof
We need a new Photoshop contest. NOW.

You've got a goddamn photoshop contest!
Feb 27, 2015 7:49 AM
I was going to do Focus, but these pictures are funnier.







Feb 27, 2015 7:46 AM
Micheal Eisner
Feb 27, 2015 6:49 AM
The Spongebob Movie: Sponge out of Water: B-
Scary Movie 3: B+ (This movie is very underrated)
Scary Movie 5: F
Feb 27, 2015 6:46 AM
When the fuck did Hazelrabbit return?  What fucking year is this?
Feb 27, 2015 6:32 AM
The finales for Battlestar and Lost were just fine.  The criticism of them astounds me even today.   

Personally, I hated the last episode of Enterprise.  I know it's been said before, but that last episode was nothing more then Brannon Braga and Rick Berman coming back into a pretty good season they had next to nothing to do with, and sticking their dicks in the pudding one last time just to remind the writers and the fans that they were still in charge. It was a creativly bankrupt clusterfudge, cynical,  mean spirited... a gigantic slap in the face to the show,  the cast,  and the fans. 
Aug 6, 2014 9:00 AM
Howard the Duck

This would take some doing and would probably blow a budget gasket somewhere, so Howard would probably only appear in a short scene or a cameo... but then again, why not? AoS works best when there is a healthy dose of comedy in the mix and what could be more comedic than the team working with a walking cigar-smoking duck?
Aug 3, 2014 5:59 PM

Why not? The rights to Blade have reverted back to Marvel and he would be the perfect guest character to assist the agents in tracking down a supernatural threat. Obviously, the part would have to be recast or we would risk Patton Oswalt's head exploding at the prospect of working with Wesley Snipes again, but a new actor in a possibly recurring role? I could totally see that happening.
Aug 3, 2014 5:55 PM