How To Get To Heaven When You Die

Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 10871
PaquitoSCOTT IS OF THE DEVIL

Scott, if you are genuinely surprised by this, then it's likely that the devil has possessed you against your will, and is making you act on his behalf. You must find a way to purge yourself of this evil! Consider a pilgrimage to the snake-handling churches of Appalachia.
Mar 10, 2017 3:14 PM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 256
Scott, let me ask you something. Did you vote for Trump?
Mar 12, 2017 2:44 AM
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Posts: 37
EpitoooozyScott, let me ask you something. Did you vote for Trump?

Although the person that I voted for was not my first choice, considering that I had to choose between Trump and Hillary, the choice was easy and should have been for everyone.
Mar 15, 2017 5:40 PM
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Posts: 7966
I watched a really interesting documentary on Netflix about dogs and how they all go to heaven. Is that true, Scott?
Mar 15, 2017 7:49 PM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 256
Scott Lefler
EpitoooozyScott, let me ask you something. Did you vote for Trump?

Although the person that I voted for was not my first choice, considering that I had to choose between Trump and Hillary, the choice was easy and should have been for everyone.

Well, which is it? If you voted for Trump, don't even talk to be about God. In my eye, you really can't call yourself Christian, let alone blather on about Jesus and people going to Hell, if you voted for a monster like Trump. The hypocrisy among the religious right during this election is downright disgusting. They claim to be followers of Christ, but there they are, voting for the most Diabolical psychopath in American political history. ?One by one, they all stood up to be counted for the Dark Side.

And don't even get me started on Pence. He is even worse, because he is a total religious fanatic. Pence subscribes to a very narrow and intolerant world view that believes that unless you're a Protestant, rich, white, American-born male, you're going to Hell. Jews, Muslims, even Catholics and Episcopalians aren't really Christian in Pence's eye and are thus going burn for Eternity. And that's perfectly alright by Pence.
Mar 16, 2017 2:33 AM
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 10871
Paquito
Scott Lefler
PaquitoMan, Scott sucks at saving people.

#1 Scott can't save anyone only Jesus Christ can do that.

Guys, I've come to a horrible realization about Scott. SCOTT IS OF THE DEVIL.

Hard to believe right? After all, he's quoting Bible passages. But he made a fatal mistake when he pointed out that only Jesus Christ can save people. Check it:

If Scott's efforts to save us are directed by love, then his efforts are directed by Jesus Christ, because Jesus is God (Colossians 2:9) and God is love (1 John 4:8).
Therefore, if Scott sucks at saving us, then Jesus sucks at saving us.
But we also know that God is infallible, and since Jesus is God, Jesus cannot suck at saving us. We have arrived at a contradiction! There must be a mistake in our premises.

We have three premises:
- Jesus is God (Colossians 2:9)
- God is love (1 John 4:8)
- Scott's efforts are directed by love, and therefore directed by Jesus

Since the first two premises are from scripture, the incorrect premise must be that Scott's efforts are directed by Jesus. Therefore, SCOTT'S EFFORTS ARE NOT DIRECTED BY JESUS.


The question now is, who is behind Scott's efforts here? 1 John 4:1 serves us well:
"do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world."

Since Scott is not from God, Scott is a false prophet. And as a false prophet, he is bearing false witness against the word of the Lord, which is a violation of the 9th commandment, making Scott a sinner.

And what does 1 John 3:8 say about sinners?
the one who practices sin is of the devil

SCOTT IS OF THE DEVIL


Scott, did you read this yet? It's really important.
Mar 16, 2017 2:42 AM
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 8074
Oh, I know how to get into heaven when you die...

Mar 17, 2017 12:03 AM
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Posts: 8074
Oh, Jesus, YES

Mar 17, 2017 12:09 AM
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Posts: 8074
SCOTT, GET ON YOUR KNEES FOR JESUS

Mar 17, 2017 12:11 AM
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Posts: 37
BigwigSo this is what it takes to get Aubergine to post. A spam post about Jesus.

It's not spam dude. ?It's a discussion.
Mar 20, 2017 10:53 PM
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 41347
Why do some people like Aubergine? If I knew what she looked like, would I like her too? Is it really that simple?
Mar 20, 2017 10:59 PM
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 7966
Scott Lefler
BigwigSo this is what it takes to get Aubergine to post. A spam post about Jesus.

It's not spam dude. ?It's a discussion.

Then please tell me why Christianity holds more weight than any other religion.
Mar 22, 2017 10:56 PM
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Posts: 13596
Obi SpenobiThen please tell me why Christianity holds more weight than any other religion.

Because Hellfire.
Mar 22, 2017 11:03 PM
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Posts: 7966
Janson Jinnistan
Obi SpenobiThen please tell me why Christianity holds more weight than any other religion.

Because Hellfire.

And Bible?
Mar 23, 2017 1:03 AM
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 37
ej
Aubergine
Scott Lefler
4. If you are willing to accept Jesus Christ free gift of salvation pray this to God from your heart:

"Dear Lord Jesus, I believe that You died on the Cross and Rose from the dead for my sins. I ask you to come into my heart and forgive me for my sins, save me, take me to be with You when I die. I now receive You as my Lord and Savior. Thank You for saving me. ?In Jesus holy name, Amen."

If you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ and meant it with all of your heart, you are now a child of God and will go to heaven. ?

You wouldn't happen to know the formula for praying my way into Valinor, would you? I mean, I'm sure heaven is nice, but I really want to meet the elves.

Auberine, pump the brakes a bit. Scott's your kind of guy. His denomination believes that the communion wafer literally is the body of Baby Jesus.

Mmmmm. Well done and slathered in ketchup!

I do not believe in transubstantiation. I believe that communion is merely symbolic of those things. ?Next time don't speak for me. Thanks.
Mar 30, 2017 10:30 PM
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 16046
Scott Lefler
ej
Aubergine
Scott Lefler
4. If you are willing to accept Jesus Christ free gift of salvation pray this to God from your heart:

"Dear Lord Jesus, I believe that You died on the Cross and Rose from the dead for my sins. I ask you to come into my heart and forgive me for my sins, save me, take me to be with You when I die. I now receive You as my Lord and Savior. Thank You for saving me. ?In Jesus holy name, Amen."

If you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ and meant it with all of your heart, you are now a child of God and will go to heaven. ?

You wouldn't happen to know the formula for praying my way into Valinor, would you? I mean, I'm sure heaven is nice, but I really want to meet the elves.

Auberine, pump the brakes a bit. Scott's your kind of guy. His denomination believes that the communion wafer literally is the body of Baby Jesus.

Mmmmm. Well done and slathered in ketchup!

I do not believe in transubstantiation. I believe that communion is merely symbolic of those things. ?Next time don't speak for me. Thanks.

Yeah, fucking Catholics. They're all over this god damn board! Get your stupid shit outta here, losers!
Mar 30, 2017 10:45 PM
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 16046
I believe that every time I eat Totino's Pizza Rolls, it is the literal body of Christ.
Mar 30, 2017 10:46 PM
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Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 299
Scott Lefler
ej
Aubergine
Scott Lefler
4. If you are willing to accept Jesus Christ free gift of salvation pray this to God from your heart:

"Dear Lord Jesus, I believe that You died on the Cross and Rose from the dead for my sins. I ask you to come into my heart and forgive me for my sins, save me, take me to be with You when I die. I now receive You as my Lord and Savior. Thank You for saving me. ?In Jesus holy name, Amen."

If you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ and meant it with all of your heart, you are now a child of God and will go to heaven. ?

You wouldn't happen to know the formula for praying my way into Valinor, would you? I mean, I'm sure heaven is nice, but I really want to meet the elves.

Auberine, pump the brakes a bit. Scott's your kind of guy. His denomination believes that the communion wafer literally is the body of Baby Jesus.

Mmmmm. Well done and slathered in ketchup!

I do not believe in transubstantiation. I believe that communion is merely symbolic of those things. ?Next time don't speak for me. Thanks.


Beware the Devil Cookie!
Mar 30, 2017 10:51 PM
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 13596
Mar 30, 2017 11:01 PM
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 37

THIS VIDEO WILL EXPLAIN HOW THE OLD TESTAMENT OF THE BIBLE WAS CANNONIZED (CAME TO BE)

[font=verdana, geneva, lucida, "lucida grande", arial, helvetica, sans-serif]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI3cpHVp8_s[/font]?


THIS VIDEO WILL EXPLAIN HOW THE NEW TESTAMENT OF THE BIBLE WAS CANONIZED (CAME TO BE) PART 1 AUTOMATICALLY MERGES INTO PART 2

WHOLE VIDEO:

[font=verdana, geneva, lucida, "lucida grande", arial, helvetica, sans-serif]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_bbXRVS5JY[/font]
Apr 8, 2017 3:34 AM
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